There’s a narrative about abusers that, while rings true for probably a lot of people, falls short in my experience. Not all abusers are calculating and malicious. Some people just. Think abuse is the proper way to interact with human beings. (Can’t get someone to do what I want? Emotionally manipulate them! And then say that they’re the manipulative one!) not all abusers intend to be abusive or even know what they’re doing is abusive.
That doesn’t mean the abuse is any better for the victim. It usually means we question it more. Is it really abuse if they didn’t mean it? If they tell us they love us? If they’re not malicious? If they just don’t know any other way to behave?
Abuse just has many forms and they all suck balls